I Want My Fun!

It's been a while huh?

listen to this will u?

gave me the mood to write this..=)

Its 3.30am now. 24th Nov 2010. Im having my media plan final paper later at 2pm. And here I am, getting inspiration to blog.

As I procrastinate with the help of Facebook, I browse through my homepage. And I noticed something, that I've lost myself in some way. I dont hang with them anymore. I dont do crazy things anymore.

I used to be this spontaneous person, me and my friend would drop by Genting just because we felt like it. We would spend crazy times together holding a mug of Starbuck each standing in the cold at the wee hours in the morning. Fighting as the winner of the one who can stand the cold the longest. Those who actually know me will know that i will be the first to lose. haha.

Yes, we were wasting time. But in a way, isn't it also building yr character? For me, i loved spending time just looking at nature and feeling the quietness. Maybe thats why i wanted to live in mountains and grow coffee. I see these time as something I can look back on and know that I had that experience before. Now, I am the one behind the computer screen swooning with jealousy, ebbing off my desire by looking at photos of my friends having the fun I wished I joined in with. I didn't want to be those who will look back and think "where has my college years gone?" But where am I now?

I had my fair share of watching dramas and I have heard of people who are quite successful asking themselves is this the life they want? I mean, sure they want to be financially stable, and everything this job is giving them. But are they happy with their life?

I don't want to reach that stage in life and question myself that way. I want to live life. It's not just the money, my friend said that to me. And I believed that she saw something that i missed.

I know we change. But is this the change we want?

Everyone is having fun. I want that too. For now, I know what I want, but how long can this last?

This is so unusual. Doing something I dont like for so long. And not really realising it, till now.

! Malaysia Essay

lecturer made us write this.

i kinda like it, thats why im posting it up..=)

enjoy this while you read it will u? =)

You sit down on a bench at a park. As you observe the children playing, squealing in delight, you see an old man hobbling down a steep slope. There is a peculiar appeal to that image. You sit there staring at him. He tries very hard to walk down the slope without losing his balance. Beads of sweat start forming on his forehead from all that effort. As it trickles down to his walking stick, his grip slips and the next thing you know, the old man has fell. At the moment, your instinct is to run to that old man, try to avoid him falling to the floor.

At that moment, nothing else matters. Your age differences, your skin colour, the language you speak. At this moment, you do not discriminate. Your instinct tells you what need to be done. That is to save the old man. But why is it that it is so difficult to take those actions when I add in another detail, that is to say, the old man is an Indian old man, when assuming you yourself are Chinese or Malay or vice versa? Is it so demanding a feat? I am not being judgmental, but that is the truth. You know that hesitation is reflected in your eyes when you look at yourself in the mirror. I know this, because I am a victim of this revolting behavior. We all are.

However, that description of the situation is incomplete. Before the old man hits the ground, a child, a child estimated to be of 5 years of age, rushes to the old man’s aid. What I see here is a child, uncorrupted by the hatred, inbuilt by his parents who got it from their parents who got it from their parents and it goes on. This is a fault caused by the society. We talk about the past, holding to it like it just happened yesterday when in fact, it happened so long ago, you yourself are not sure when it actually happened!

There is an e-mail that had been passing around. It is about 2 monks, a young monk and an old monk. They encountered a lovely injured woman in need for help. The old monk gave her his help by carrying her on his back to her destination. After the monks left the woman to her way, the young monk was furious that the old monk would allow that to happen. However, he didn’t confront the old monk with his thoughts. After a long time when the young monk is unable to contain the anger in himself, he finally did. What the old monk said was “I only helped the lovely woman because it is a blessing to be able to help. I too, did leave her at the river bank. But you, you had been carrying her for all this time”.

What the old monk meant is that the young monk had been thinking about the lovely woman for all this time, carrying her around. Just like us, carrying the doings of our ancestors around, acting as though we were personally wounded by those actions. People do change you know. How can you take more in your hands when you are already leaden with those past that you cling dearly to? You must let it go and let your true experience tell you the truth. How do you expect to change your perception of others when you are nailed on the impression that they are still the way they are umpteen years ago?

Our children are like a blank piece of white paper. They do not discriminate. They treat everyone equally. When you see children in kindergarten, they mingle around without a care, treating everyone with the same manner. But why is it that when they grow up, they tend to lose the bond they share when young? Some may say that it is because they learnt the hard way that the other colour are money-minded, greedy, unethical, rude, smelly and more creatively made-up labels. Try and imagine someone saying this, I hate so-and-so’s race because they are so stingy and money minded. It makes the speaker sound immature and it sounds like he or she doesn’t know what he or she is talking about! Tell me that there are no stingy and money minded people of other race than so-and-so’s race. You cannot. Not without telling a lie in the process. Then why is it that we are still doing this when we know full well that we are all being biased in this current situation? What is the point of our prime minister launching the “1 Malaysia” concept?

Sometimes it is easier to live in a world where the innocence of a child is in everyone, not just the young, but also in the middle-aged and elderly. Maybe this way, we can learn to give others the chance they yearn for to prove your century old hypothesis of them wrong. Maybe 1 Malaysia is about having that child-like innocence. Maybe it is to instill these qualities in us. Maybe 1 Malaysia is about seeing the world in only one colour, the Malaysian colour. Maybe it is about being the child who helped the old man. Maybe it is being the old monk who left the lovely woman at the river bank. Maybe, maybe, maybe. It will always be a maybe until we make that effort to lose the concept of other that was formed decades ago, and embrace them like a blank piece of paper, allow them to draw their colour and patterns on the paper and then from there form your own theory on who they are and how do they actually react to certain matters. Maybe that way, we could greet them with welcoming arms, accept their flaws, and enjoy the benefit they provide to the country.

The Dress Code Event

was off for many many days because there was an event held.

hm...nothing much i want to say.

because i know i didn't put much effort into it.

and when it went quite successfully, i didnt really felt anything. although i have got to admit this is not the first time i feel this way, but i dont feel it that often ok..!

its sad. i cant join in the joy and success because i know i dont deserve it.

if it wasn't for my team mates, i would be laying flat on my face,

getting fatter by the moment, doing nothing,

prolly get kicked out from college too..

what im trying to say is.

being lazy really DOESN'T PAY!!!

u cnt reap the rewards because it is not a reward.

it is in fact, someone else's reward.

and if you do try to take it, you are just low.

im not that low although i m as lazy as f*%K.

i was wallowing in self pity.

and that i do not deserve, because self pity is actually a free time thingy,

and i cnt afford to spend time like that coz i had lotsa undone work because i kept postponing it..

well, ill try to be a better person.

just did the gramatical check for this PR case study..

damn pain in my @#$!!

i was screaming in pain reading their sentences..

makes FB statuses look so much more civilised and educated.

did i mention that it was 17pages of torture??

anyway..just a proof i completed something..=p

long LOST twin??!

hey!

ok weirdest thing happened..

when i was younger, i asked my mum why didnt i have more siblings.

then my mum suddenly said that i was supposed to have a twin.

er...really cnt remember weather fraternal or identical twin.

but twin nontheless.

but the doctor didnt identify it during the ultrasound scans.

and doc thought that it was a normal, single child.

anyway doc was mistaken n then twin was gone. as in bye bye gone.

but then now that im in college, i suddenly started seeing someone!!

who looks almost exactly like me!

height and everything..

except she is slimmer, and i more groomed, i guess?

scary...............=|

What Happened to Old Times and Their Memories?

i was eating wafer i specially requested from my mum..

these wafer are only sold at old grocery stores..those that keeps the biscuits in big golden tins..

i love the wafers..but it doesn't taste the same as before..

it used to be a generous amount of chocolate which comes with solid taste of cream..and the sides are often slightly crushed to form a rounded edge.. as though the someone had been carrying these waffle everywhere..

all this added to the wafer's appeal..somehow when i caught sight of those perfectly rectangular shape of the wafers..i think they had lost their character..

it doesn't give me the hype nor the satisfaction i get when savoring these wafers..

while eating them, i can't help but think about the time when i was young-er..

all those times when all i did was turn to the boy sitting next to me and pinch him in every surface reachable..

i know it is wrong.. but what i'm trying to say is i feel old..

times had changed so much..and i don't think i like those changes..

if the little girl i used to be saw who i am now, i dont think she will like me too..

Its been a while

semester just started and the assignments are already rushing in..

since i did so badly in the last sem, i've resolved to work harder for this sem..

therefore, this blog might scratch that, this blog will be neglected for a while..

ciao for now..

i just cleared up my email.

after sorting through the junk, i saw an email from my dad.

yes weird..but true..

and it says that in a Ukrainian TV program..*im quite sure it is Ukraine's Got Talent, but then again...one can never be too sure..=)

this particular video is worth your time because it is art beyond imagination.

you would never be able to understand or belief it until you see this.

i am copying this from the email..

Dont dare to miss this amazing Video Clip . . first read it properly..

This video shows the winner of "Ukraine’s Got Talent", Kseniya Simonova, 24, drawing a series of pictures on an illuminated sand table showing how ordinary people were affected by the German invasion during World War II. Her talent, which admittedly is a strange one, is mesmeric to watch.

The images, projected onto a large screen, moved many in the audience to tears and she won the top prize of about £75,000.

She begins by creating a scene showing a couple sitting holding hands on a bench under a starry sky, but then warplanes appear and the happy scene is obliterated.

It is replaced by a woman’s face crying, but then a baby arrives and the woman smiles again. Once again war returns and Miss Simonova throws the sand into chaos from which a young woman’s face appears.

She quickly becomes an old widow, her face wrinkled and sad, before the image turns into a monument to an Unknown Soldier.

This outdoor scene becomes framed by a window as if the viewer is looking out on the monument from within a house.

In the final scene, a mother and child appear inside and a man standing outside, with his hands pressed against the glass, saying goodbye.

The Great Patriotic War, as it is called in Ukraine, resulted in one in four of the population being killed with eight to 11 million deaths out of a population of 42 million.


Kseniya Simonova says:
"I find it difficult enough to create art using paper and pencils or paintbrushes, but using sand and fingers is beyond me. The art, especially when the war is used as the subject matter, even brings some audience members to tears. And there’s surely no bigger compliment."

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=vOhf3OvRXKg

"a guy is the key, the girl is the lock"?????

"imagine this, a guy is a key; and a girl is a lock. it is good for the key to be able to open many locks. but for a lock to be opened by many keys, it is not good news." Su Ann quoting someone.....

i dont understand why it is perceived this way. but that really seems to be the case. even in America where people seem to think is the best place for open-mindedness as they practices Freedom of Speech, singer Christina Aguilera sings in Can't Hold Us Down

"The guy gets all the glory the more he can score, While the girl can do the same yet u call her a whore". the lyrics clearly states how people everywhere practices double standard.

why do people do that?

*pouts...i don't get it..

can someone please explain this to me?

what makes us Human?

"u don't cry in front of the enemy" Ms. Nalena.

that was that my lecturer had to say when someone broke down in front of the person who, well, made her break down.

being labeled the weaker gender, does it give us more authority to cry and show weaknesses? or is this equal too?

i just got some bad news. cannot mention it here for some reason. but its bad and it makes me feel so weak and vulnerable. for u who don't know about me. i love putting on a tough shell so no one could ever hurt me. convenient right? well, its just protecting myself. and a girl goto learn to protect herself in this dog eat dog world.

i hate breaking down.

i hate showing signs of weakness.

i hate feeling helpless.

i hate having my protective wall penetrated just to have the person i trust cut me a wound.

its a bad feeling. helplessness.

i guess when u met problems like this when u don't know who to turn to, its a comfort to know that God is always up there to guide and accept back his lost sheep.

but i guess feeling this is also a part of God's plan right?

i think that

without Darkness, u would never know Light.

without Sadness, we would never appreciate Happiness.

without Lost, we would never recognise what we already Have.

and its a blessing to be able to feel like this.

because this make us human.

this pulls us back to Earth.

this makes us appreciate because human never learn to appreciate until it is too late.

i guess this will be an obstacle i will have to overcome.

what doesn't break me makes me stronger

right?

i hope those living in the eye of the storm will see their way through the storm and learn,

learn that we will not always have our ways,

learn to accept and to love.

have a goodnight.

What is Yr Song?

i was staying up late doing my assignment when i noticed that my song list consist of Beatles songs only. i chose my songs b4 i started to work my the assignments. n i realise that i work better with Beatles songs.

i think that everyone has their own feel good song. be it hard-core metal to the sound of waves to the laughter of yr loved ones, whatever u r feeling at the moment, u will feel better after listening to it.

our ears cannot sleep. in the sense that there is no closing yr ears unless yr deaf. then, i still believe that they hear something. something we do not hear. anyway back to our ears, i think we neglect our ears v much. as it affects our brain v v much, and it cannot sleep, giving it rest would be resting our brain in a way.

so what r u waiting for ?

go ahead and blast/ tune in to Yr Song and unwind..

goodnight peeps..=)

The Neatness of Newly Clipped Nails

I'm thinking of the sea..
a nice beautiful beach..
the sound of the waves lapping on the beach....
calming....
the sound of the wind whistling through the coconut trees....
seeming to say "whee, see me run wild and free"........
my feet,
sinking into the luscious sand...
and the waves washing it away at the same time...
hiding and disguising my very existence....

i step into the water...
oh, does it seem to invite me to indulge further to discover the secrets it hides..
but i could not...
fearing my resistance slipping away with every step i take into the deep unknown..
reluctantly, i step away from its seduction..
i channel myself to look at the otherside of the line..
the one filled with people
who outwardly seem to be filled to the brim with happiness...
surrounding themselves with other happy people..
seeming to live with all the joy in the world
and to conquer all sorrow with LOVE

i want to be a part of that
yet whenever i try
it seems like such a distant world from me
its as though I'm looking through the looking glass
it as though i cant belong

but i will struggle on if i must
for being here is beauty itself
cherishing all that had been given to me...
being grateful and not hurting people who had sacrificed for me..

for being here is not just for our own cause..
this is not a hotel for u to decide
when to come and when to leave
it is not an obligation...
to be fulfilled..
it is a gift.

even when it seems as though life is fooling u..
even if u feel misunderstood..
even if u feel there is no more reason to go on..

look around u...
and think...
the only reason u are capable of feeling this way is not because u r obliged to feel this way
its because u r capable enough
to be given the choice to feel so..

now take a deep breathe...
a really deep breathe...
so deep that the smell of salt is all that fill your senses..
close your eyes...
take in the sound of the wind talking to u..
feel the grain of the sand...
feel all the emotions raging within u,
bottled up inside..
and let it all out..
and when u are ready,
just let the waves take it all away from u..
leaving u clean and afresh,
ready to take on whatever is hurled your way..
walking at the borderline
but never slipping into the dark

and walk away a new man.

repelling technology

yes..this is what i did..

i lost my blog..yes..i really do repel technology..

thankyou...

now im not sure if this can be connected to my class blog koffee with kiru or not..

=(