Self Loving

Practicing to type. Wonder how fast I can type. Apparently quite a number of jobs require fast typing. Does that mean I will be constantly staring at the screen?

Because I remember my sister’s first job. It requires her eyes to constantly be on the screen to type out reports of the problems people are facing. And the job pays only slightly better. And when I say slightly better, I mean like maybe 200-300 ringgit more?

I think from this exercise I’ve demonstrated to myself if not anyone else, that I can type fairly fast and well. I’m impressed. With myself. Haha. Too much self love? Well, people need it every now and then, in fact, more often than not, so why not? I will forever keep this er…passage?

Because recently I made a friend during an interview for Emirates flight attendants. And she told me she read my blog, and I was of course a lil shocked. So anyway, she asked me why I stopped posting stuff. And I had no good answer to that question. But today, here I am at McDonalds, typing away. I think my problem is that I lack motivation.

I guess I’ve known it for some time but this is the first time I’ve ever said it out loud.

This feels nice. I’m not sure if it is the fact that I’m out of the house, or because I’m writing, or because I have something to write that I feel confident about, but this feels nice.

I feel happy. This is what I should be doing.

I know Erica needs me, but I need to find myself, be true to myself in order to be able to take care of myself in order to take care of her. It doesn’t make Erica any less important than me. It’s just the same thing as the flight instructions. “Please put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others with their mask.” It’s as simple as that. 

Let's bring back roses wrapped in brown paper

Since Valentine's Day just passed, I feel that my first post of year 2014 should be about flowers.
Flowers. Glorious flowers. Beautiful, fragile livings that can turn your day around. Let's feast our eyes.

Remember, flower bouquet comes in many shapes and designs

Enjoying it in the wild

Classics

The beautiful sunflowers

I made a trip to a florists recently to discover that they do not wrap them in the customary brown paper any more, in fact they do not have any brown paper.

The only choice I had was either the see through plastic sheet or the colourful sheets of wrappings vying for attention. Now I would not say that they are beautiful or not because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Roses in brown paper, placed nicely without any kind of arrangement. That is my thing.

The simple brown paper encases those beautiful flowers. The plain brown paper allows the flower's beauty to shine through. The pairing bringing out the best of each other.

Have a beautiful day people!

Selamat Berpuasa!

Hey guys, its the fasting month or bulan puasa and I wish all the Muslims a great fasting month ahead.

I'm not Muslim and I've never tried fasting, but I shared an apartment with 2 great Muslim girls and they showed me how to create this great tasting drink to start up your buka puasa.

U need fresh milk, preserved dates and a blender. Just remove the preserved date's seed and skin (u can leave the skin on if u dont mind a lumpier and rougher result) n chuck them into the blender. Add in some fresh milk and blend them til the dates are nice and fine.

Be very generous with the dates, that way the beautiful flavour of the dates is fully embraced by the milk and ta-da, awesome drink. Serve it cold!

As a guideline, I use 4 to 5 big dates for every half a glass of milk.

Enjoy the recipe!

Whats Moral?

You know some things that make you think? Well, today for me it’s morality.

In college I learnt theories of morality. How to decide what is moral and what is not. I learnt utilitarianism. It takes into account how many people’s happiness and how great that happiness of the action brings. Ironically, I learnt egoism after that. It says that all human are selfish and they will put themselves first.

But tell me this, is moral a thing that doesn’t change regardless of situation? Is abortion immoral even if the mother was a victim of rape? If it is so, how are we moral in this dog eat dog world, where there is only the survival of the fittest? Is it true that right will always be right and wrong will always be wrong? When I brought this up, someone said yes, right will always be right, no matter under what circumstance. It was an absurd idea to me. I had always thought that abortion should be made legal for those who were victims of rape and the abortion for the result of that immoral act should be ok, it should be acceptable.

But the longer I let this idea sit in my mind, the more it takes root. When someone commits rape, it is immoral. However, the rapist is immoral, so why would you let his immorality license you to act out another immoral act of aborting the innocent child? When you commit that immoral act of abortion regardless of the situation, you have made an immoral act to someone else, your child.

I know it is easier said than done, and I am not undermining rape victims, but when someone slaps you on a cheek, you turn the other cheek to him too, right? It does not matter if he deserves the forgiveness or not, because by forgiving him you have let down a huge load. By letting down that load, you are able to accept your new responsibility; that is to be a mother or at least carry the baby for nine months and go to the nearest religious home to bless an infertile couple with the joy of having a baby. You do the right thing.

 I guess morality is not about survival in bodily sense, living in a world with pretty macaroons, expensive cigars, a cherry red Ferrari, but it is about preserving your soul. By not maiming it with immoral acts, your body might not survive, but your soul survives. 

Ahora

I met with my lecturer just recently and we talked about writing. She said that the problem with this generation’s writers is that they lack the ability to describe. So I shall make this an attempt to practice my descriptive skills.

I am sitting at the top floor of the house. The fan is not moving due to the momentary electric cut off. My sliding door is open to catch any breeze that might pass by. The flimsy yellow curtain flutters ever so slightly every time a hint of a breeze tries to lift it. The sun is hidden behind a cloud of haze; making the sky look dull and subdued; tricking its audience because in truth, it is far too bright for the eye to perceive. I am sitting with my legs crossed. Sweat has begun to build up at the back of my knees. The lotion I put on this morning is helping the sweat lubricate my thighs and calves, making it almost impossible to maintain this sitting position. My chair creaked at I shifted my weight slightly to the left.

I am sitting too near to the table. My arms are bended at a 90 degree angle forming a diamond shape between me and my laptop. The room is filled with the sound of “tik-tak” as I typed away trying my best to describe the atmosphere. Occasionally punctuated by the sound of silence as I racked my brain trying to think of other ways I could manipulate my words to make them draw a clearer picture.

Stenches have started rising from the heat present in the room. Most dominant being the stench of stale milk. This morning my baby girl threw up milk all over me and with milk and saliva still trickling down her lower lips and chin, she smiles up at me, a beautiful angelic smile made to take away all pain, agony, sleepless nights and frustrations of motherhood. I can’t help but feel my facial muscle contracting to form a smile. I have not yet regretted being a mother so soon. Many said I will. We shall see.

Outside, it has started to rain.

Goals and Motivation

I am now a mother, my priorities has changed. I now know what I want and for who too. The trick is getting there. That I will digress later.

Now, I want to indulge myself with what I want for my future in year 2015.

I want to be with my husband and act like teenagers.

I want to spend time with my baby girl, spend time to be a family and go for cheap picnics.

By 2015, I want to own an apartment.

Ok, this is a picture of an upper class condo. but I though it will be lame if i inserted a boring picture of any old apartment. Plus, there might be a chance i will be living in a condo. Cant a girl dream?

I will decorate it modestly. No need for anything fantastic. Just the basics but looking nice, clean and comfy. =)

Then I want to spend 1 evening every week after dinner with my family, sitting on the couch watching a movie we chose together or maybe a movie our baby girl has chosen.

Ok, we might turn up looking like this. But i once heard from my ex dance instructor that couches ruins our posture.. 

Or I might get us all tatami mats or something like that to sit on and then we can all do stretches while watching tv. Why not?

Plus, I want our lives to be in order. Although not exactly like this. But..........

Definitely not like this. 

 And to make this all into reality instead of just building castles in the air, I need my INCOME!!
And in order to get that, I will need to study hard and finish my course!!
And get a job!!!

Aza aza fighting!
ok, i said that because im so in love with the Korean series "Full House".

I hope that somebody from the writing world will look up this blog and go, "hey, maybe this girl has some potential writing. And you know what? I will offer to be her mentor." or something similar..
hmm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Choices to Happiness

Our lives are what we make of it. It is the kind of choices we make. There will be minor decisions like what to eat for breakfast to big decisions such as whether or not to accept your boyfriend’s marriage proposal. How about some people who claim they did not or refuse to make a choice? Let’s say the situation is thus: Sam is going out for lunch with his parents and his wife. His parents are traditional folks and prefer eating traditionally made Chinese meals. His wife is a modern woman who loves Western meals. Sam is trapped in the middle. He is a filial child who always follows what his parent says; on the other hand, he is a dotting husband, giving his wife everything she can ever wish for. How should he decide what to do? Sam sought out a hotel that offers a buffet spread consisting of traditional Chinese food and also Western food.

Was that refusing to make a choice? No. That was Sam making a choice to accommodate both his parents and his wife. You see, refusing to make a choice is also a choice. No matter what, our lives is the choice we make. I see a man, working as a mechanic, trying to provide 2 meals for his family of 5. He whistles and put a smile on his face when going to work. Then I see another man, driving a car, wearing a suit and tie, in the middle of a traffic jam. He swears and is never courteous on the road, but he owns the car he drives, an apartment and he has a girlfriend. The first man is suffering financially and the second man has almost everything he can ask for. But comparatively, why is the poorer man happier? Because he is easily satisfied? Maybe. Or maybe he chooses to be happy with what he has. No doubt his life must be tough, but who says that having money will make you happy? I asked the poorer man, are you happy? And he says “our (he and his family) lives may be difficult, but we are happy. We may not have what other’s call a normal live because me and my wife go out to work the whole day and my eldest child, 10 years old, have to cook and take care of the younger 2 but we are happy”.

Happiness is and can be a choice. The society tells us we need this we need that to be happy. Because it is their job! If a business man cannot get people to buy his goods, he is a bad business man. If a marketer or an advertiser cannot get you to buy the product they are trying to sell, they are not good at their job! But does this mean that we have to have what these people are telling us to have? These are just tools to help make your live easier. But you can do without it! Happiness is not rated by how easy your life is, it is not rated by how much things you own or can own. Happiness is a simple thing, to just enjoy life as it comes by, regardless of anything that life hurls in your way, regardless of the hurdles you have to cross. Happiness is, ultimately, a choice.

I once received an e-mail. It was about an old man who is going to an old folk’s home. A young cross chap was showing the old man to his room. The chap said: “you better not hope too much from this room” and the old man smiled back and replied: “ah, I like my room”. The chap was puzzled: “you’ve seen the room?” Then the old smiled even wider and said: “every morning, I wake up and I make a decision. And it is to be happy. No matter what happens, I will be happy. It is a choice I make every morning. No one can take this away from me.”

So, what are you waiting for? Be happy today. =)